5 recentering phrases I live by

Amidst the mess that is my home office are several 3.5 by 5.5 and 5 by 8 notebooks.

While I do all of my long form writing on Google Docs and some “thought jotting” in the notes on my phone, these physical notebooks collect everything from meeting notes and random thoughts, to lyrics and shopping lists.

Recently, I’ve dedicated one 3.5 by 5.5 notebook to record sayings that resonate with me.

It’s cliche as all hell but words are important, and a brief, meaningful collection of words, can help us recenter.

Too often do we go about our lives without setting aside moments of reflection. I’ve found that supplementing these moments with pre-existing “light bulb moments” from others, better position me to actually stew on things, before moving on to the next task.

So, here are five phrases I live by (and why they resonate with me):

1. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast

As someone who has always had an interest in military history, it’s not surprising this phrase is one of my favorites.

Originally coined by the Navy Seals, this reminder is one that totally captures how you develop skills to a high performing level.

Special Forces units are some of the highest performing organizations on the planet because they have to be. Their job is to put themselves in some of the most dangerous environments and situations human beings can, making their strategies, tactics, and contingencies key to master.

If someone isn’t right where they need to be, at the exact right time — or conversely, doesn’t have the sharp skill set to make sound, improvised decisions at the flip of a coin — the whole team is at risk.

When not in the fight, these specialized units train, train, train, and train some more, until movements become as second nature as breathing.

Getting to that point takes hours upon hours of going through these motions slowly. It takes methodical repetitions to get smooth at something and ultimately, fast.

While my day-to-day looks nothing like a Special Forces Operator, the “slow is smooth, smooth is fast” motto has become key in my mindset for life. Particularly when it comes to being a dad.

About a year and a half ago, I became a dad for the first time and this phrase has gotten me through the ongoing newness of fatherhood and parenting alongside my wife.

Things like calming down my son, deciphering his needs, and knowing when to step in and help my wife, didn’t come intuitively to me. I often lack patience when I don’t get things right out of the gate, so navigating being a parent for the first time caused a lot of self doubt, frustration, and discouragement in my abilities.

It took practice — slow repetitions to build my confidence as a father so I can more swiftly be the dad my son needs and the husband my wife deserves.

This isn’t to say we don’t and won’t fail, but intentionally striving to be a little better every day will become more of a fluid movement if we integrate these slow repetitions into our every day routine.

2. To be, rather than to seem

In today’s social media-driven world, it’s easy to put on a facade of who you really are as a person.

If you’re in tune with social media trends, pop culture, and have a basic understanding of social media platform algorithms, it’s really not rocket science to become an “influencer.”

This isn’t to diminish anyone who has positive motives to become influencers; however, with every intention, the devil is in the details. And every influencer — to some degree — is pretending to be someone that they are likely not totally in real life.

To be, rather than to seem, is a phrase that is the polar opposite to the “fake it til you make it” mentality we see all around.

It encourages and implores us to not pretend to be someone we are not. It’s a call to action to be authentic and honest about who you are, your abilities, and where to improve.

3. What we do in life, echoes in eternity

While I don’t subscribe to stoicism like Marcus Aurelius — I believe in an afterlife — I do care about what my legacy will be when my physical body becomes ash.

Side note: If this doesn’t get you amped up, check to see if you still have a pulse:

For example, I deeply care about what my son will think of when he says “my dad” after my time on earth ends.

The stories and values we portray while we are alive can have a massive impact on future generations. For example, Levi will never know my wife’s late Grampie, but he will know about his character through the stories we share with him.

Levi will know about how Grampie accepted me for who I was and how much he loved and would do anything for his family. Grampie’s legacy will echoe from me to my son and I hope he will tell his children about how this legacy impacted my life.

While I hope Levi finds all my various notebooks of thoughts and reflections when I’m dead, the heirlooms I leave behind to my son will eventually erode and will ultimately do nothing more than collect dust.

However, the experiences we share together, the memories we make as father and son, and the words I share with him are not bound by the material. Everyday I’m given the opportunity to impact his life, reaffirms my responsibility to leave him with lifelong values that can — if worthwhile — last many lifetimes.

4. Fuck around and find out

While this phrase can also be interchanged with “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” or “reap what you sow,” this course version made the list purely because I enjoy the word “fuck.” It’s just got a snap to it that I fuckin’ love.

Whether you prefer the explicit, colloquial, or spiritual version of this sentiment, reminding yourself that every action bears a consequence is a keystone realization of the human experience. One that is often overlooked in my opinion.

In a culture where instant gratification has been interwoven into our society, it almost seems like we’ve forgotten about the implications that can result from our decisions. For example:

• Hard work is good and I believe humans weren’t meant to live with idle hands, but have you ever thought about the implications of burning yourself out?
• Enjoying things is well and fine, but have you ever reckoned with the negative consequences of living a life of pleasure seeking?
• Self reliance is important, but is your pride getting in the way of getting help when you can’t do something on your own?

Where we invest our time and effort, can have a significant impact on our lives.

The more we “fuck around” with things that can be detrimental — whether those things have overtly or covertly negative implications — the more severe we will “find out” their potentially suboptimal consequences.

5. For everything there is a season

“For everything there is a season… a time to be born, and a time to die… a time to break down, and a time to build up… a time to mourn, and a time to dance… a time to keep silent, and a time to speak… a time for war, and a time for peace.”

The book of Ecclesiastes is the fourth of five books called the “Wisdom Literature” in the Old Testament of the Bible.

This book is best known for its bleak nature as it deals with the unpredictable nature of life and a seemingly pessimistic point of view of the world:

“Everything is meaningless… Generations come and generations go… I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

Essentially, life on earth is nothing more than a disk drop game. You could drop your disk in a top slot, hoping it is a path for success; however, at any point all it takes is one peg to change your trajectory towards failure.

Ultimately, life is time, chance, and death, and what we do in between birth and death cannot control the perceived chaos of the universe.

For every moment of joy, there is heartache. For every season of prosperity, will hold seasons of desperation. Tomorrow is not guaranteed — life is “hevel,” a short vapor burn — and our time on earth is at the mercy of the universe’s slot machine.

While “life is meaningless” was at one point the end of my philosophical view on life, I have recently reframed it as the beginning.

Despite the book of Ecclesiastes affirming the reality that life in and of itself is meaningless, it ends with a beautiful call to action:

“Enjoy the gift of life that is given to you.”

Finding meaning in a seemingly meaningless life helps us take on this universe of chaos. Dinner with a close friend, holidays with your family, finding your person, and/or holding your child for the first time are all moments we ought to and are meant to enjoy.

These moments help us harness the vigor to cope with the unpredictability of the world and the various challenging seasons that will come and go and so forth.

What phrases do you live by?

To close, I hope this post inspires you to hunt for the phrases that resonate with you.

Write them down. Read them often. And may their meanings guide you and inspire you in whatever your everyday life may look like.

Cheers,

Ry