“What makes you want to smoke?”
Four situational triggers
“What makes you want to smoke, Ryan? It’s so bad for you.”
If I had a nickel for every time someone has asked me that, I’d probably have enough money to smoke for free for life. Some people don’t get it — they don’t get the appeal of smoking. For awhile, I’d sarcastically respond with something like, “I don’t know, I just do. Why do you eat fast food? It’s so bad for you.” I always find it kind of annoying that people can be beside themselves when they discover that I smoke, while they eat trash food all the time.
There was a guy I worked retail with when I was in college who seemed to go out of his way to remind me about how bad smoking was. He didn’t do it in a caring way — he did it in a way that was demeaning and always made sure there was an audience. Meanwhile, every morning he’d stroll in with a breakfast sandwich and large, mocha iced coffee, extra extra from Dunkins. He’d eat McDonalds, Arby’s, or whatever else the food court had practically every day, and wasn’t exactly someone who was “in-shape.”
At another job I worked, there was a lady who’d fake a cough whenever I’d walk by her desk. This beacon of health drank two cans of Coke before lunch time and at the end of the day would have at least five empty cans lined up on her desk.
According to the CDC, the leading cause of death of people in the U.S. is heart disease, and the two leading causes for heart disease in the U.S. is smoking and obesity. Approximately 85 million American adults eat fast food on any given day while nearly 38 million American adults still smoke cigarettes. Now, I’m not trying to say that smoking is any better than eating junk food. I just find it highly ironic that you can see one of those “The Real Cost” commercials, that talk about the dangers of smoking, in between commercials with positive narratives about fast food. What about commercials showing clogged arteries from consuming a Whopper five times a week?
I’m going off on a tangent, but when you’re a smoker, you notice that smoking can be highly stigmatized. You can feel judged for smoking while everyone else around you can shamelessly destroy their bodies with food that’s quite literally poison.
Anything can be a cigarette
At the end of the day, I don’t have a beef with people who eat fast food, or with fast food in general. We all have the right to consume what we want — whether it’s me in my backyard, chain-smoking cigarettes, or my old co-worker drowning herself in Coke; it’s our prerogative.
I do have an issue with people who are concerned with the cigarette in another person’s mouth and not the Big Mac in theirs. We consume these things because they feel good going down. If it feels good, the last thing you’re thinking about is what it’s doing to your body — for me at least. It could be cigarettes, chicken nuggets, booze, or drugs — we do these things because we enjoy them, and once you do any of these things with regularity, it’s easy to become dependent upon them. Humans can become addicted to many different things — I just so happened to become dependent upon one of the most addictive things ever.
“Lou Reed claimed nicotine was harder to quit than heroin. It is… Cigarettes are just always there, and you’ve always done it. I just pick ’em up and light ’em up without thinking about it.” -Keith Richards
A perfect accompaniment
In December 2015, I visited my parents who had just got a condo down in Florida. One evening while my dad was still making his way home from a trip — he’s a pilot — my mom and I were sitting on their back patio having a cocktail, enjoying the view and breeze of the ocean.
By now, my parents knew I smoked. I stopped hiding it from them at the end of my junior year of college, when I was going through some personal stuff. And while they still didn’t like it, they left my smoking habit alone — I was on a “journey.”
As the waves crashed in the distance, I grabbed my pack and lit up a cigarette without thinking about my mom being right there.
“Oh sorry, mom — I can go somewhere else if you want,” I said, as I was about to put out my freshly-lit Camel.
She replied, “No, no, honey. Make yourself at home. It’s okay… well, it’s not. But I get it.”
We smirked and nodded at each other and continued to enjoy the peaceful evening by the beach. After a moment of silence, my mom asked “So, why do you smoke? What makes you want to?”
I paused and really thought about that question. This wasn’t coming from a snarky co-worker; this was coming from my mom, and she was asking a genuine question. At this point in time, I had been smoking about a pack a day for around three years. What started as something I did because it gave me extra breaks at work, became a full-fledged dependency.
After a moment of pondering, I answered, “Kind of… everything. Everything makes me want to smoke.”
“What do you mean?” My mom asked.
“Everything. Driving, being outside, finishing a big meal, drinking booze or coffee, stress, parties, hanging out with other smokers, being alone — everything. Smoking kind of just goes with everything. It’s weird.”
Smoking triggers
In my last post, I talked about how driving is a big trigger for me when it comes to smoking. While eliminating the car as a place to smoke will significantly reduce my cigarette intake, there are plenty of other scenarios/situations that will make cutting back equally as difficult:
1. Being outside in general
Unless I’m in a crowd or somewhere that does not allow smoking, if I’m outside, I am probably smoking. Whether it’s waiting outside for a table at a restaurant or throwing the ball in the backyard with Memphis, being outside is a huge trigger for smoking. Smoking is a constant thought when I’m outside, and I’m always ready to jump on the next opportunity to light up.
While this scenario may seem obvious, the constant “itch” of wanting to smoke may not. I’ve met plenty of smokers who can have one or two butts over an extended period of time being outside. For me however, if I’m outside and have the ability to burn butt after butt, I will.
My friend John always says that he vividly remembers the first time we hung out. I’ve heard John say numerous times, “I’ll never forget the first time I hung out with Ryan. I watched him smoke an entire pack of butts to the face in only a few hours.” John came with me to hang out at my friend’s studio to do some recording. After we were done, we all went out to have some beers on my friend’s porch. Over the three-ish hour hang, John watched me smoke cigarette after cigarette until I had smoked an entire, new pack.
2. Finishing a big meal
Watch any period piece featuring a time where it was socially acceptable to smoke indoors, and you will likely see a shot where people are sitting around a table, post-meal, and someone lights a cigarette. Smoking after a meal is something that every smoker does — or at least every smoker I’ve ever met . The act of smoking after eating is in many ways, ingrained in smoking culture. It’s relaxing and almost gives you a similar feeling to or essence of a digestif — in my opinion.
Just like some people want desserts and/or coffee after dinner, I immediately want a cigarette. It is the perfect ending to a meal that I just enjoyed. Smoking a cigarette is my dessert.
3. Drinking coffee and booze
Any smoker who’s a coffee drinker knows coffee and cigarettes are a match made in heaven. There is something highly therapeutic about getting a fresh, hot cup of coffee on a brisk fall morning and smoking a cigarette. The steam and smoke intertwine in the cool air in an eerily beautiful way. Plus, the flavor profiles compliment each other in a delicious way — smokey, nutty, and chocolatey.
Cigarettes and booze on the other hand, is the perfect combination to keep the party going. I mean, hell, even some non-smokers like to smoke when they drink. Whenever I go to a party or have friends over, and I know alcohol will be consumed, I always have an extra pack. It’s inevitable that I’ll be passing cigarettes around like candy to my fellow buzzed partygoers. For me at least, the stimulating nature of cigarettes keeps me awake and in a rhythm that doesn’t want the good times to end. It’s an excuse to get up, move around, and go outside — combine that with good company and I’m sold.
4. Experiencing good times and bad times
Smoking can complement any situation — good or bad. Whether it’s a solid hang with close friends around the fire pit or the most stressful Monday at work, smoking cigarettes are there for me either way. Good mood or bad mood, cigarettes can keep the good times rolling as well as calm me down.
Are you at a 4th of July BBQ, surrounded by all your best pals? Let’s burn through that whole pack. Did you just rear end someone and you’re waiting for the tow truck to come get your totaled car? Calm down by cranking some cigs. Any occasion or scenario is a good time to smoke cigarettes. Like Keith Richards alluded to in that previous quote, smoking cigarettes is an easy habit to develop because they’re dependable — they’re always around. For me, they are one of the only things I can consume that consistently makes any situation better.
“Cigarettes pair well with conversation or silence — celebration or mourning — they’re cathartic. Their ability to complement good or bad times is impressively tragic.”
I say a lot of these endearing sentiments with tongue and cheek, however, when you’re someone who truly enjoys smoking, you come to the realization that smoking enhances most scenarios, which sucks. That’s how cigarettes got me— they make my life “better.”
-Ryan
P.S. As always, I am by no means an expert about quitting — I am only sharing my experiences to hopefully make sense of my dependency and relate to others who struggle with cigarettes. If you do want to quit, I strongly urge you to consult a professional.
